Several years ago, I had a life-changing moment with God on a spiritual retreat to the Grand Canyon area. I was feeling a lot of anger and sadness about the things that had happened to me in my life. There was emotional abandonment as a very young child because of my mother’s depression, sexual abuse occurring for several years, and many years of an eating disorder. I resented myself and others for the life I had experienced. I wanted a different life. Why did I have this one? I didn’t want an eating disorder. I didn’t want to have been abused and abandoned.

I’m an Eastern USA girl, and being in the Southwest was a new experience. I sat on a rock looking down into a smaller canyon near the Grand Canyon. Canyons always seem like someone took a big knife and split the earth open. They are not at all like mountains and valleys. The southwestern beauty is so different than the east. Muted colors of yellow, orange, pink, and red appear like ribbons marching across the canyon walls, giving a history of the canyon’s formation. The sky is a deep blue because the air is purer. Everything is sharp and jagged.

I was crying and talking to God. Why was it my job to heal from something that wasn’t my fault? It was unfair. During my ranting and raving, there came a clear divine message. It went something like this. “Roberta, look around you. See this beauty? It’s not the beauty you’re used to, but it is beautiful, nonetheless. The beauty of this place includes all the things that have happened here: the violent flood waters, the hot sun, and the frigid nights. Everything has come together to make this beauty. It’s the same with your life. You are beautiful. All that has happened to you make up that beauty. Your job is to accept my love and your beauty.

A wonderful sense of calmness and peace came over me. What needed changing was my perspective, not the past.

The truth will set you free. Romans 8:32